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Butler County Rape Crisis Program
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110 S. College Avenue, Oxford, OH 45056
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Protecting Your Children
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Child Sexual Abuse Prevention
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Contents:
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 | Questions and Answers About Child Sexual Abuse |
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Talking to Your Children About Personal Safety |
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| Choosing Safe Child Care |
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| Sexual Abuse Prevention- Books for Kids and Parents |
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| Sexual Abuse Prevention- Videos to Watch Together |
Don't forget to check out our Links
page. |
Just as we teach other kinds
of safety information (fire safety, safety crossing
the street, etc.), we can teach children
age-appropriate "personal safety" rules and skills.
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QUESTIONS & ANSWERS ABOUT CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
What is child sexual abuse?
Child sexual abuse is tricking or forcing a child to sexually satisfy another person. It can be a range of actions from verbal and non-physical abuse to forced touching offences. It can range from one encounter with an exhibitionist, to occasional fondling by a family friend, to years of abuse by a relative, to rape and/or exploitation through prostitution and pornography.
How big is the problem of child sexual abuse?
At least one in four girls and one in ten boys will be sexually abused before they are 18. It probably happens more often, especially for boys. Sexual abuse most often begins at the ages of 3 and 11. The sexual abuse of children occurs in every class, race, religion, neighborhood, cultural and ethnic group.
Who abuses children?
In about 90% of reported cases, the abuser is someone the child knows, loves and trusts-generally a father, step-father or sibling. In these cases the abuse usually begins at a young age with fondling and is kept secret through bribes, threats and/or special attention. It continues for a number of years, often escalating to penetration and/or oral-genital contact. Only about 10% of cases involve the dangerous stranger that parents often warn about.
Why don’t kids tell?
Young children do not tell for many reasons. In the early stages, they may simply be unaware that the touching is not okay. Later they are bribed and/or forced into keeping the secret by threats of frightening consequences to themselves, their families and/or their pets. Abusers often tell children that they (the child) are to blame for both the abuse and consequences to their family if they tell is their fault. Finally, children may not tell because they do not know how or who to tell, or because they have been raised to feel ashamed to talk about their bodies or sexual matters.
How does sexual abuse hurt kids?
Being sexually abused as a young child can result in life-long problems. How severe the consequences are for the child depends upon:
-the age and personality of the child
-the relationship between the child and the abuser
-what happened between the child and abuser and how long the abuse went on
-what happens when the child tells of the abuse
-how much support the family gives the child after s/he tells.
Victims of sexual abuse who do not receive appropriate help and support may develop a broad range of emotional and behavioral problems, including: anxiety, depression, suicide or suicide attempts, eating disorders, delinquency, substance abuse, and sexual problems including fears, abusing other children, or promiscuity. Sometimes victimization continues into future generations when those who have been abused either become abusers themselves or choose partners who abuse them.
TALKING TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT PERSONAL SAFETY
The time to talk to children about sexual abuse is before it happens. The following are some tips for parents which can make this kind of discussion easier.
1. Make information about sexual assault a part of general safety discussions (just as you would prepare a child to react to a tornado, a fire in school or at home, etc.).
2. Start by teaching names of body parts. Try to create an atmosphere in the home in which children are not embarrassed by their bodies.
3. Find out what children already understand (or think they understand!).
4. Practice this type of discussion with a friend or in front of a mirror if you are nervous. Realize it is very important that your children have a role model for open communication about their bodies and about sexual abuse.
5. Start with simple, accurate information and build upon it as children get older.
6. Teach your child how to set limits and boundaries, especially about their own bodies and "personal space". Practical examples help (ex: in our house, we stop tickling when someone says, "stop!"; in our family, we don't HAVE to kiss or hug people when we receive presents, etc.).
7. You might want to talk about the difference between
"surprises" and "secrets". Surprises are happy things (including birthday parties, Christmas presents, etc.) which will be openly shared at some point in the future. Secrets are things which can't ever be shared with others, often about things that make you confused or scared. Some children enjoy having "secret" hiding places for a favorite toy, etc., and that is fine, but most secrets are not okay. Again use examples relevant to your own family when discussing this issue. Let children ask questions versus just lecturing-be sure that your meaning is clear.
8. Encourage your children to ask questions or tell you if someone says they must keep a secret or if someone does something that makes them feel uncomfortable. Let your children know that it is always okay to tell.
9. Don't just talk about strangers. The reality is that around 85% of all sexual abuse victims are assaulted by family members or acquaintances (coaches, school bus drivers, priests, teachers, neighbors, cousins, etc.)
CHOOSING SAFE CHILD CARE
What Parents Should Expect From Caregivers
-Ongoing communication, open access to the home or center, and frequent updates on your child's progress.
-Loving care, responsiveness, stimulation, and attention to building your child's self esteem.
-Honesty. Caregivers should share information about problems or accidents. They should pay income taxes and meet all legal requirements.
-Acceptance of your wishes on matters such as discipline, seat belt/car seat usage, TV watching, food, toilet training, smoking, etc.
-Advance notice of changes such as in hours or costs. You should have between a month and six weeks notice if a care giver can no longer care for your child.
-Support for your family. Caregivers should not be critical of your family's lifestyle or values and should not be involved in family disputes. They should respect your religious beliefs and cultural background.
-Acceptance of you as the most important person in your child's life. Advice should be offered in a non-critical way.
-Assurance that everyone in contact with your child is trust worthy, properly trained, and continuously supervised. This includes caregivers' friends and relatives, custodial help, transportation workers, and visitors.
-No surprises. Your child-care provider should not suddenly announce that her teenage daughter will be watching your children three afternoons per week, nor should a favorite daycare teacher disappear without explanation.
SEXUAL ABUSE PREVENTION BIBLIOGRAPHY
Many
of the following books are available in your local library, or may be used in
our offices. You may also want to
visit
our online bookstore.
Story books for young children:
**Bass, Ellen, I Like You to Make JOKES with Me, But I DON’T Want You to TOUCH Me, Carolina Wren Press, Durham, NC, 1983. (bilingual, English/Spanish)
Freeman, Lory, It’s My Body, Parenting Press, Seattle Washington, 1982.
Freeman, Lory, Loving Touches, Parenting Press, Seattle Washington, 1986.
**Girard, Linda Walvoord, My Body Is Private, Albert Whitman & Co., Morton Grove, IL, 1984.
**Hindman, Jan, A Very Touching Book…for little people and for big people…, McClure-Hindman Associates, Durkee, OR, 1983. (well written and engaging, but illustrated with comical anatomically correct figures)
For school-age children:
Gordon, Sol & Judith, A Better Safe than Sorry Book, Prometheus Books, Buffalo, NY, 1984. (has a section for parents about using the book to talk with children and a bibliography)
Lenett, Robin, It’s OK to Say No! Tom Doherty Associates, New York, NY, 1985. (May be out of print)
Terkel, Susan N. & Rench, Janice E., Feeling Safe, Feeling Strong, Lerner Publications, Minneapolis, MN, 1984.
Wachter, Oralee, No More Secrets for Me, Little Brown & Co. Boston, 1983.
Wooden, Kenneth, Child Lures, Summit Publishing Group, Arlington, TX, 1995
For parents:
Adams, Caren & Fay, Jennifer, No More Secrets, Impact Publishers, San Luis Obispo, CA, 1981.
DeBecker, Gavin, Protecting the Gift, Dell Publishing, New York, NY, 1999.
Hart-Rossi, Janie, Protect Your Child from Sexual Abuse: A Parent’s Guide, Parenting Press, Seattle Washington, 1984. (Accompanies It’s My Body)
Hechinger, Grace, How to Raise a Street Smart Child, Facts on File Publications, New York, NY, 1984.
Kraizer, Sherryll, The Safe Child Book, A Fireside Book, New York, NY, 1996. (much of the text of this book can be found at www.childsafe.org)
Note: This is a selection of books about sexual abuse prevention, but there are many others at bookstores and libraries.
**Can be used with school-age children.
Videos to Watch Together-- under
construction!
To view other categories of prevention education links, please click on your browser's "Back" button.
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